10. I'd be the first president to wear eye shadow since Nixon
9. We would only invade fun places like Cabo
8. Free pie for everybody
7. My situation room would be a cabana at the Palms Casino in Vegas
6. I'd lure Osama out of hiding with the irresistable scent of my new fragrance 'Circus Fantasy'
5. Every presidential news conference would feature costume changes.
4. America might have a more coherent fiscal strategy
3. Challenge U.S. to put nightclub on the m... Read More

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Well, fellow Big Brother fans, I do believe we deserve a good pat on the back.

We've kept in the right people and evicted the most boring one of the lot, Beinazir.

Come on, she was pretty rubbish, she hardly said a thing. And her exit interview was so boring. Yawn!

Thankfully, Sophia has gone through - that's guaranteed bitching for the rest of the week.

And I can't wait, because the rest of them are being pretty insipid at the mo, all... Read More

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And so the new series of Big Brother (and therefore the madness) begins.

And I have to say, I'm already loving it! Well, summer just wouldn't be the same without me being at home at 10pm of a night, watching a bunch of weirdos go slowly insane.(And no, I don't have a life. Well, not while Big Bro's on anyway.)

But first thing's first, what on earth was Davina wearing at the launch last night? Some kind of S&M shiny leather dress that did nothing for... Read More

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Poor innocent Rodrigo is being made to shave off someone's eyebrows and draw them back in with marker pen (avec sunglasses) in a bid to make people earn Housemate Status.

What text, stripping someone naked and tying them to a lamppost?!

"It's serious now!" poor Rod shrieks when he goes back in the house from the Diary Room.

Oh no it's not. It's really not. A nation's bullied schoolchildren will have their hands glued to their faces for the next few weeks.... Read More

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22.08

"I try not be a bitchy person, but I can't see good or nice things in anybody."

Hurrah! She's a single mum who's a qualified dental nurse. Her two very young children are her main priority, which is why she's gone into Big Brother....hmmm.

Ladies and gennulmen, it's Saffia!

She thinks men 'are just sperm donors' which explains why she's single. My normal telly is also making her tight purple dress look WAY too tight.

At leas... Read More

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